Okay.. det er på engelsk…
Jeg har i lang tid overvejet at konstruere en lignende liste, men da jeg fandt den her hos ESBU tog jeg genvejen…
(Der findes ikke et gærde, der er så lavt at jeg ikke kan gå udenom)
The “I’m popular because I attend a lot of events” Facebook user
This user goes to every event with a camera in hand and takes hundreds of pictures. 15 minutes after attending any event, this user has already posted all the pictures of the event on their Facebook profile. This user typically has hundreds of albums so that they can show the world just how important and “cool” they are. They constantly update their profile picture so that you can see the various events that they have attended and the various famous people that they know. The only time when there is a delay in updating their profile picture is when they have a picture with a celebrity or somebody famous. In this case, it can be weeks before they change their profile picture.
The “check out my status” Facebook user.
This Facebook user cannot let an hour pass without updating their status. Thanks to Face book, you know everything that this user does on an hourly bases. From the moment they wake up, their status is being updated. We know when they eat, when they use the bathroom, how they are feeling and countless other useless information about this user. This user believes that the world will end unless they update their Facebook status at least once every hour.
The “Typical” Facebook user
There are no typical Facebook users. It?s just something people say to make themselves feel better. Just like a drug addict or a compulsive gambler, this user has a problem, but refuses to admit it. They must log on to Facebook at least once a day or they start experiencing withdrawal symptoms These symptoms are usually manifested by hot flashes and/or cold sweats. If they do not log on to Facebook, they feel a sense of emptiness and their life is not complete. Once they?ve logged-in, all is well again until the next fix.
The “comments will get me laid” Facebook user
This Facebook user is typically a single and lonely male user. He makes it his life goal to comment on every girl’s picture by writing dumb-ass comments like: “You are beautiful”, “What a beautiful picture”, “I love your hair in that picture. It must smell nice”. This lonely loser uses Facebook to tell girls how he feels because he is too shy to tell them in person. He uses Facebook to tell each and every girl just how “beautiful” she is in hopes of getting laid. He never gets laid. Most male Facebook users hate this guy with a passion.
The “please comment on my pictures” Facebook user
This Facebook user is very similar to the “comments will get me laid” Facebook user. However, this user is more likely to be a female. They spend their time commenting on other users’ walls in hopes that these users will comment back on their page. Getting comments makes these people feel good and important. This user usually uploads pictures to Facebook and then waits for hours until somebody finally comments on one of their pictures. They typically get really mad when others do not comment back or write on their wall.
The “I change my relationship status to get attention” Facebook user.
This Facebook user is also quite annoying. Every time something happens in their personal life, they must change their relationship status. If they fight with their mate, their status is “single”. If they make up, their status changes to “committed”. If their mate cheats on them, their status becomes “it’s complicated”. All these relationship status changes can happen within the span of only several hours, sometimes minutes for this user. Somehow, this user feels that the entire universe cares about their relationship status. We don’t.
The “I’m on every Facebook network” Facebook user
This user typically does not have a lot of friends on Facebook . They join every possible network in hopes of making more friends on Facebook. The goal for these users is usually to reach at least 100 friends. Most of these types of users never reach this goal.
The “I have every possible Facebook application” Facebook user
This user is one of the most annoying Facebook users. They usually send you multiple requests to download various crappy applications so that you can play stupid games with them on Facebook. As if Facebook itself was not a complete waste of time, this user wants you to adopt a pet, become a vampire and all kinds of other stupid things to make you waste even more time with Facebook. Even after you uninstall one of their crappy applications, they send you a request to download another crappy application.
The “MySpace is so much better” Facebook user
This Facebook user typically ends all their remarks by telling you how much better MySpace is compared to Facebook. This user has invested so much time and energy on MySpace that they resent Facebook. They only joined Facebook because all their MySpace friends are now on Facebook. It took them forever to get many MySpace friends and now they are quite angry at having to start over with Facebook because nobody is using MySpace anymore.
The “I’m on Facebook because it’s the cool thing to do” user
This user creates a Facebook account, updates some profile information and never uses Facebook again. These users typically know nothing about social networking sites and only joined Facebook because it is what everybody else was doing.
På papiret så kampen nem ud, da OB sejrede 31 ude over FC Amager, der i denne sæson rykkede op i Viasat Divisionen. Men OB fik aldrig rigtig sat tempo i kampen, og klubben levede ikke helt op til den favoritværdighed, et SAS Ligahold har i en pokalkamp mod et lavere rangerende hold.
Jeg er tilfreds med resultatet, men vi mangler lidt tempo, og det føles lidt som om, vi spillede med håndbremsen trukket, sagde OBtræner Lars Olsen efter kampen, der heller ikke mente, at OB spillede på det niveau, de normalt præsterer i SAS Ligaen, hvor holdet er nummer ét.
Vi scorer tre mål, men vi har chancer til i hvert fald tre mere. I det fremadrettede spil synes jeg kun, vi viste 7075 procent af hvad, vi egentlig kan, sagde Lars Olsen.
Okay, hvor mange procent giver de normalt og er en sejr på 31 ikke godt nok?!
Det morsomme er så at Bold.dk vælger at citere netop denne sætning fra TV2 uden at fange den lille fejl.
A recent research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex:
The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.
The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so horny you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.
The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.
The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say “fuck you.”
The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex, which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night.
The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex. This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.
And last, but not least, the 7th kind of sex is called: Social Security Sex. You get a little each month. But not enough to live on.
Kom jeg til at sætte “Mit liv” på som kategori?
Hey… Jeg vandt!!
Tror jeg… øhh.. eller hvad?
CISCO Network International NV
Lotteri FORFREMMELSE præmieoverrækkelse.
1101 CH Amsterdam.
BILLET NR: N.L/74-A0802-2008
Dear Sir / Fru,
Vi er glade for at kunne informere Dem om resultatet af Lotteri Vindere Internationale programmer afholdt om den 12 juli 2008.
Din e-mail-adresse knyttet til Billetnummer NL/74-A0802-2008 med Batchnr 8542189-92 og referencenummer 721-2008-22 som dermed vandt i kategori 1, har du derfor blevet godkendt til et engangsbeløb betale ud af € 500.000,00 (fem hundrede tusinde euro)
Tillykke! Grund til at blande op af nogle numre og navne, beder vi dig om at holde din vindende oplysninger fortrolige, indtil Deres krav er blevet behandlet, og dine penge hjemvist til dig. Dette er en del af vores sikkerhedsprotokol at undgå dobbelt påberåber og uberettigede misbrug af dette program, som nogle deltagere.
Alle deltagere blev udvalgt gennem en computer valgrunde system trækkes fra over 20000 selskab og 30000000 individuelle e-mail-adresser og navne fra hele verden. Denne salgsfremmende program finder sted hvert år.
Dette lotteri blev fremmet og støttet af Cisco-netværk og en række andre fremtrædende personligheder som Mr. Bill Gates og Sultanen af Brunei, håber vi med en del af din vindende du vil deltage i vores næste år € 20 mio internationale reklame-lotteri.
At filen for din påstand, bedes du kontakte vores Agent Forarbejdning / Valgs Officer:
Dr. Smith Williams
Verifikation / Operations Director,
Husk alle vindende skal hævdede ikke senere end den 30 juli 2008, efter denne dato alle uanmeldte midler vil blive inkluderet i det næste spil. Bemærk, for at undgå unødvendige forsinkelser og komplikationer tilstræbe at citere din henvisning og batch-numre i første korrespondance. Desuden bør der ikke være nogen ændring af adressen gøre informere vores agent hurtigst muligt. Vi håber med en del af din vindende du vil deltage i vores næste år 30 millioner dollars internationale lotteri.
Når mere fra vores ansatte, vi takker dig for at være en del af vores salgsfremmende program.Note: nogen under 18 år er automatisk diskvalificeret.
Med venlig hilsen
Mrs Suzan Braxton,
Offentlige tilknyttet Officer.